


When singing, make sure to warm up your voice first so you dont hurt your throat

by BlueFlameBird



Category: Gintama
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Singing, barely any plot, first kiss?, general gintama nonsense, i have no idea what this is, shogun ka yo! - Freeform, thats it i guess, uhhhh, well as a couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFlameBird/pseuds/BlueFlameBird
Summary: Gintoki and Hijikata end up having to sing together.





	When singing, make sure to warm up your voice first so you dont hurt your throat

**Author's Note:**

> so. theres a youtube video of two voice imitators singing doten by does as Hijikata and gintoki. guess where the inspiration for this came. this is 100000% pure CRACK and its 3am dont expect it to be quality

How did Hijikata always manage to get dragged into the Yorozuya’s nonsense?

The Shinsengumi were assigned to bodyguard the Shogun as he made another pass through Edo, something about making sure the barbershops were still in good condition and seeing if there was anything more he could help with.

The Shogun somehow ended up wanting to go to a concert, the same one the three Yorozuya’s had a job in somehow. It was a Otsu concert, so Hijikata figured it was the glasses that somehow got them the job.

It wasn’t until a few moments before she was supposed to perform that Gintoki, by some weird twist of his bad luck, managed to knock her out cold. Shinpachi had a mini heart attack, sticking by his idol’s side and yelling at Gintoki that he had to fix this.

Gintoki’s solution? He was going to sing instead.

See, this wouldn’t be a bad idea, if Gintoki’s voice didn’t sound like a chalkboard being scratched up on a good day. That was being generous. Gintoki couldn’t sing, and whenever he screamed Hijikata’s ears wanted to bleed, so why was the idiot perm going to sing? Why would he even volunteer?

But when Hijikata asked the Yato brat and Sougo, they both responded with a deadpan “I don’t want to.”

It wasn’t even a few seconds until Kondo came to Hijikata, asking him to sing with Gintoki.

Of course Hijikata’s response was a very understanding “WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT???”

But somehow, Kondo made a convincing point, that Gintoki couldn’t sing and if they wanted to keep their heads, he would help.

And this was how Hijikata found himself staring at the microphone in his hands as if it insulted his mayonnaise.

“You scared, Oogushi-kun?”

Hijikata had to grit his teeth to keep himself from punching the smug bastard in his grinning face.

“Why the fuck would I be nervous, perm head? I can sing better than you, which isn’t very hard to do.”

Gintoki’s infuriating grin just widened. “Just you wait Toushi, I’ll mop the floor with you.”

“This is all your fault in the first place, asshole!” Hijikata growled. The natural perm just shrugged, deadfish eyes and bored expression taking over his features. Hijikata almost missed the smug grin. Almost.

“Ah, were starting. Toushi, are you ready?”

Somehow, they had changed from their normal outfits into their suits, courtesy of a scene change.

He glanced at Gintoki, who looked confident, like he would actually pull this off. Did the idiot actually have a trick up his sleeve for this? Of course he did, Gintoki had his (many) faults, but he was reliable when the situation called for it. Suddenly, Hijikata was feeling braver.

“Let’s party.”

Hijikata prepared himself for the worse, nervously eyeing the Shogun, who was watching with a passive expression on his face.

The music stared, and Hijikata felt himself stiffen, what if Gintoki didn’t have a plan? What if this all went to shit? They were going to fail, the Shogun was going to have their heads and-

And Gintoki started singing. Hijikata had to turn to make sure this was the same natural perm he knew, the one with the sugar and Jump obsession, who was weirdly strong with a sword in hand yet couldn’t do anything else decently, except maybe get on Hijikata’s nerves.

When red eyes glanced over to his own, Hijikata gave a start, realizing not only was he staring, but it was his cue.

And so he jumped in as best as he could. Damn the cigarettes because his voice was raspy, but based on the pleased look Gintoki gave him, he was doing alright.

Wait, fuck him, who cared about pleasing Gintoki, it was his fault in the first place!

But still, the look gave him confidence to continue, and when the chorus hit, their voices blended in well, harmonizing with each other in a way Hijikata should have been used to, but always surprised him. They really did make a good team.

As if sensing his thoughts, Gintoki sent him a small smile, a small spark in those normally dead eyes. And did Gintoki always look that attractive?

Pushing the thoughts out of his head and fighting the not-blush that warmed his cheeks, Hijikata sang the next verse, Gintoki joining in once again for the chorus.

When they sang the chorus again for the next and last time, they made eye contact again, and didn’t break, Hijikata feeling pleased as the music came to an end. If Gintoki’s smile was anything to go by, he was pleased as well.

Hijikata wasn’t aware they were staring at each other until the Shogun spoke, both of them jumping in surprise. “If I had known Edo’s singers were so bad, I would have funded their entertainment a long time ago.”

It wasn’t until the Shogun had followed Kondo and Yamazaki out and they went backstage that he heard Gintoki mutter, “Can’t sing, my ass. Gin-san’s wonderful voice is beautiful.”

“He wouldn’t have had to deal with your terrible voice had you not knocked out Otsu-chan, things would have been fine!”

“HOW WAS THAT MY FAULT? THE PILLAR JUST FELL!”

“IT WOULDN’T HAVE FALLEN IF YOU WOULDN’T HAVE KEPT KICKING IT, STUPID!”

“THERE WAS A BUG ON IT! A BUG! DID YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER? IT WOULD HAVE THOUGHT MY HAIR WAS A NEST AND LAID EGGS ALL OVER IT!”

“WELL WHO’S FAULT IS THAT YOU DUMBASS NATURAL PERM!”

“Will you two just kiss already? Geez as if we didn’t have to suffer with you two eye fucking each other on stage.” Sougo deadpanned, stopping their argument before swords were drawn.

Hijikata felt his face redden. “NO ONE WAS DOING ANYTHING, YOU INGRATE.”

The insult went right over Sougo’s head, as it normally did. “Sure, whatever you say, Vice Chief. I’m going over to see if Otsu is alive. Solve whatever sexual tension you two have while I’m away.”

Sure enough, Sougo walked away, leaving Hijikata alone with Gintoki as the former cursed out his back.

They stood in silence, Gintoki picking at his ear and Hijikata making a point to look anywhere but the natural perm until his face stopped feeling warm. When the silence became unbearable, Gintoki blessed him by speaking.

“You know, Hijikata, you didn’t sound so bad. Here I thought all those cigarettes and mayonnaise would have made you sound like a dying walrus.”

Hijikata felt a vein pop in his head. “Che. That’s funny coming from you, the king of silver screams and deafening people.”

“You’re an ungrateful brat, here Gin-san is trying to complement you yet you insult me!”

“Who’s the brat, you brat! We’re around the same age!”

“Even so! Why are you always so mean to me you asshole!”

“Because you’re an idiot! You get yourself into the dumbest situations and drag me along with you most of the time!”

“Because you involve yourself! You tax thief!”

“You don’t even pay taxes!”

“You know what, I’m tired of hearing you! Why don’t you just shut up?!”

His comeback was on the tip of his tongue, ready to be yelled with venom when Gintoki’s hands came to his face. Surprise froze him. Hijikata didn’t realize they were so close, forehead to forehead as they usually ended up when they argued, until Gintoki simply tilted his head. Benefits of being the same height meant Gintoki only had to lean forward to seal their mouths together.

Hijikata felt all the fight leave him. But before Gintoki could pull back, obviously reading Hijikata’s stiffness as a rejection, Hijikata’s hand flew out, grabbing Gintoki’s conveniently replaced Yakata thanks to another scene change by author-san and pulling him in, tilting his head as well so their mouths could press easier together. Gintoki let out a low please rumble, and Hijikata felt a hand snake into his hair and press him closer. 

Idiot, as if Hijikata would give up this chance.

Their lips stayed locked for a few seconds more until they slowly pulled away, remembering that breathing was an important thing. Hijikata knew his face was flushed, but he felt a bit more secure seeing a small blush on Gintoki’s normally bored features as well.

“Aww! That’s so sweet!”

Gintoki and Hijikata jumped, both turning to Otsu, who was standing there with a big smile, next to a not in the least surprised Sougo, Kagura and Shinpachi. Hijikata wasn’t sure why, but their lack of reaction annoyed him.

“It’s about time.” Shinpachi deadpanned.

“You better not do anything pervy with him, you tax thief, aru.” Kagura deadpanned next.

Sougo grinned a terrifying grin. “Why Hijikata-san, is that a blush? What would your men think if they saw you kissing the Boss as if you were a blushing school girl.”

Hijikata’s sword was out before he could process it, but a strong arm held him back.

Sougo cackled as he ran, Kagura and the others following. Before Hijikata could spew threats, Gintoki turned him around with a smirk and kissed him again.

This was fine, Hijikata thought as he returned the kiss. He could give Sougo a head start for once. He had more important matters to attend to.


End file.
